Thursday, May 21, 2015

Old Jokes: From Ed Notes - Jan 6, 1999

From 1997-2002, Ed Notes was directed at the members of the UFT Delegate Assembly. At that time, email and computers were just catching on and sending jokes around was the big thing. Since many people in the room didn't seem to have the same access, my reprints proved very popular. At the May 2015 DA one of the Unity delegates reminded me of how much people enjoyed those jokes and also the content. He doesn't read blogs and always urges me to bring Ed Notes back to the DA.

I lost most of the hard copies on the Sandy Storm and have been sporadically checking out some of the archives. I will pop stuff up at various times. This is from the Jan. 6, 2009 edition.
Deep Thoughts....from the internet (unattributed)
 A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.  On my desk, I have a work station...

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with,  “Quit while you’re ahead”?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

People seem to read the Bible a whole lot more  as they get older . . . they are cramming for  their  finals.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are  we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso.

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn’t live there?

VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the  OTHERS here for?

STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Clones are people two.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is  he  still wrong?

Go ahead and take risks....just be sure that everything will turn out OK

No one ever says “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.

As I said before, I never repeat myself!

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
 
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Think “honk” if you’re telepathic.

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