Friday, November 11, 2016

Parody from Oregon -- The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in past weeks

NOTE- I didn't write this piece


This came from my cousin in Israel from a contact of his in Oregon.

The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in past weeks.  The visibly failing Hillary Clinton presidential campaign is prompting an exodus of left-leaning Americans, who fear they'll soon be required to own guns, pray, pay taxes and live according to the U.S. Constitution.  Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, climate change activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night. 
 
"I went out to milk the cows the other morning, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in my barn." said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota.  "He was cold, exhausted, hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken.  When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
 
In an effort to stop the flow of these illegal American aliens, Mr. Greenfield erected higher fences, but the north bound liberals scaled them.  He then installed loudspeakers that blared the Rush Limbaugh program across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears, and kept coming.
 
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.  "A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions." an Alberta border patrolman said.  "I found one carload of illegal American liberals without a single bottle of Perrier water or even any gemelli with shrimp and arugula.  All they had was a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet and some kale chips.  When liberals are caught, they are sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump supporting normal Americans.
 
Rumors are rife about re-education camps being built across the USA where liberals would be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.
 
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways to cross the border.  Some have come disguised as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs.  After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses, and quizzing these supposedly senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to ascertain if they really were alive in the 1950s.  "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age." a Canadian immigration official stated.
 
Canadian citizens have complained that the continuing massive influx of illegal American liberals has created an organic-broccoli shortage.  Plus, they are buying up all of the Barbara Streisand CDs, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones. 
"I really feel sorry for these illegal American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them all." A Toronto resident said.  "After all, how many Black Lives Matter majors does one country need?”

1 comment:

  1. minor rewrite of the version that came out at Bush's election

    ReplyDelete

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