I sent a revised version of my Night Before Xmas poem to the Daily News. Lo and behold, it ran online this morning.
Enjoy. Stay warm and be well. Better days ahead.
The night before New Year’s
By FRED SMITH NEW YORK DAILY NEWS - DEC 31, 2020
‘Tis the eve of the new year and in his White House
Sits a lame duck-tailed bad man with unsmiling spouse.
“This may be my last chance before my thoughts drift
To give all those who miffed me one parting gift.
Whether I liked them or hated, they can’t escape blame,
They’re bound to be “Fired” in my blazing endgame:
To my faithless AG and once true legal goon,
I leave Barr to flame out in a hot air balloon.
As to Mitch, the traitor, who acknowledged Joe’s win,
Here’s a carton of face masks to smother his chin;
And for Rudolph, the red-faced, sputt’ring buffoon,
Nothing’s better to drown in than a pool-sized spittoon.
The prize for Pompeo requires some thinking,
Backtracking on hacking without even blinking;
As for Doctor Birx, as well as for Fauci,
A pox on both jerks for making me grouchy.
To my dearest friends, Pelosi and Schumer,
A set of false teeth and an unbenign tumor;
Bah, to Gorsuch, Kavanaugh and Coney Barrett;
I’ll defrock the three for not being my parrots.
To NBC cable’s O’Donnell and Maddow,
Go choke on your words, and sleep in the shadow;
Which goes for CNN cronies, Tapper and Blitzer,
Have Cheez Doodles washed down with a Clorox-laced spritzer.
The Judiciary Committee and Adam Schiff
Will ride a one-way train, heading straight off a cliff;
For Masha, Colonel Vindman and Fiona Hill,
You uttered the truth; here’s a poisonous pill.
This thing ‘bout the virus and how many have died?
QAnon swears that every one of them lied;
That proves there are 300,000 folks hidin’;
No goodies for the “dead” who voted for Biden.
Of course, can’t forget those phony Obamas,
Who I’d exile to starve on an isle full of llamas;
And I have to keep waiting until one week hence
To decide what determines the fate of Mike Pence.
At last, I’ll heap ashes upon mini-Mnuchin,
Whose stimulus deal was smaller than a capuchin;
When I told my pet monkey to get a bill signed,
This blind four-year flunky failed to read my mind.
Allegiance to me must remain undiminished;
One step out of line and you know you are finished,
‘Cept for Putin, who says I lost the election;
For some weird reason I can’t spurn his defection.
Yet still, there are more who have sorely peeved me,
Who think I’m a fool and those who have grieved me:
And that would include all the world’s foreign leaders
Who laughed at my power, those dumb bottom feeders.
I’ll give them all coal to stuff in their crotches;
And spoiled milk to SNL which nobody watches.
There’s a surprise in store for Stephen Colbert;
It’s something set for ticking under his chair.
Forget about pardons and exoneration,
I truly deserve an extended vacation
Where I won’t have to pretend to read even one book;
And I’ll have full time for golfing and being a crook.
Now it’s almost midnight on this dark New Year’s Eve,
And a terrible time to be taking my leave.
But I swear I’ll keep tweeting my message of cheer
To do more for America this coming year.”
Smith, who worked for the New York City Department of Education,
writes occasional poems.
