The Ten Plagues of Bloomberg and Klein by Norman Scott

The School Scope column appears every 2 weeks in The Wave (www.rockawave.com).
December 14, 2007.

The Ten Plagues of BloomKlein by Norman Scott

1. Closed schools based on single letter grades!
2. Inflated test scores!
3. Distorted graduation rates!
4. Use of statistics instead of educationally sound principles to make basic decisions about children’s lives!
5. Reduced services for special education students!
6. Attacks on senior teachers!
7. Parents treated like pariahs!
8. Enormous sums spent on testing rather than reducing class size!
9. Even more enormous sums spent on high priced consultants and computer systems!
10. Constant chaotic reorganizations based on untested principles!
11. Dumb merit pay schemes for teachers and students!
12. A gutted, compliant, ineffective union that capitulates and collaborates with the BloomKlein administration while deceiving the membership.

Oh, sorry, did I pass ten? Is it too late to change the title? Can I try for twenty? Nah! Let’s keep this column short. As I told [Wave publisher] Susan Locke at the Wave Xmas party the other day, “Cut the column when you fall asleep.” Zzzzzzzzzz.

The big local news was the announced closing of Far Rockaway HS. Following on the Wave reports a few weeks ago about the increased problems at Beach Channel HS from over the counter (OTC) refugees from Far Rock, expect more of the same next year when Far Rock’s freshman class has to go elsewhere. The over/under on Beach Channel’s future is already being set in Vegas.

When the reorganization of Far Rock was announced in April 2005, I wrote, “Far Rockaway HS has been put on a fast track to be reorganized by September [2005] which could lead to the creation of four mini-schools, including a vocational ed track, and the replacement of up to 50% of the teachers. Teachers who want to stay will have to apply for jobs. You know the story – if it’s a failing school it’s got to be the fault of the teachers. Their resistance to change must be the reason the school is perceived as failing; probably not willing enough to drink the Workshop model Kool-aid.”

That reorganization must be viewed as a failure by the NYCEDOE if they are closing it now. Who is responsible for that “failure” (their definition, not mine) if not the DOE? Why are they allowed to get away with blaming everyone and everything but themselves? They are always talking about "no excuses” yet they are the biggest excuse-makers.

When BloomKlein announce they are closing schools, there are shock waves, part of their “shock and awe” strategy in “reforming” the educational system. But when they close a school they are announcing their failure to fix it, while absolving themselves of responsibility. After all, they control the administrators and most of the teachers who are there. So, what will change when they close a school? New administrators, new teachers and mostly, new kids. Where will the ones denied entry into the new school go? To the next school to be destabilized? If you can’t fix what’s wrong without closing the school, then you have failed.

Questions have been raised about small schools and charter schools actually being more successful considering these issues: getting a higher achieving pool of students and eliminating students with special needs; getting a disproportionate share of resources; forcing the larger, traditional schools to be even more overcrowded and receiving those students who have the least chance of succeeding.

Joel Klein wrote an op-ed in the New York Post ("Closing Time") on December 10, outlining the rationale for closing schools. Klein said:

Starting in 2002, we began phasing out and shutting down schools that had a history of failure. These decisions...were an acknowledgement that the schools weren't remotely educating students - and that they weren't going to get better on their own. [Why is a supposedly failing school being left to drown on its own?]

Klein uses the example of Bushwick High School in Brooklyn to demonstrate:

Bushwick HS had a graduation rate of just 23 percent. We replaced it with four new small schools, which now make up what we call the Bushwick campus. Last year, the new schools had a combined graduation rate of nearly 60 percent -almost triple what it once was. The students literally paraded through their neighborhood in June, demonstrating the pride that they feel for their schools and their community.
Blogger Eduwonkette, following up on the work she did on exposing the Evander HS “miracle” where she compared the student populations of the small schools with the large “failing” school they replaced, did the same work on the Bushwick example:

If the intent of school closings is to clear out the students who previously attended the "failing school," replace them with higher performing students, and declare victory, Bushwick is a marked success.

Bushwick stopped taking 9th graders through the formal admissions process in September of 2002, but continued receiving "over the counter students" (OTCs)- students who have not been placed in any school, who are transferring, or who arrive in the middle of the year - in the 2003-2004 school year as well. Zoned schools like Bushwick represent combinations of the formal admissions process students and OTC students; while the small schools do receive OTCs, the proportion of the student population comprised by these students is much smaller. How was the old Bushwick different from the schools that replaced it? The most notable differences include the ELL population and the percentage of students who come into 9th grade proficient in reading and math. Bushwick 9th graders were 30.6% ELL, while in their first year, the new small schools served between 19.5 and 26% ELL. Even more drastically, 83% of the Bushwick OTC kids were ELLs. On most other indicators, the Bushwick 9th graders were lower performing than the 9th graders attending the new small schools. This is particularly true of the Bushwick OTC students.

Eduwonkette blogs at: http://www.eduwonkette.com

It’s the family, stupid

Mike Winerip, one of our favorite commentators on education, was in the NY Times on Sunday [Dec. 9] laying waste to the “No Excuses” argument, something anyone who spends 10 minutes in the classroom understands.

Does that mean we stop teaching? No. But we understand that we must fight for the resources necessary to close the achievement gap, not do education reform on the cheap or throw money at data management rather than classroom management.

But guess where they buried what should be a front page piece because it exposes the sham of NCLB and the entire business-based education reform movement and, in particular, the entire program of BloomKlein? In the regional "parenting" section, which most people in the city environs do not even receive. Winerip starts his piece with:

The federal No Child Left Behind law of 2002 rates schools based on how students perform on state standardized tests, and if too many children score poorly, the school is judged as failing.

But how much is really the school’s fault?

A new study by the Educational Testing Service — which develops and administers more than 50 million standardized tests annually, including the SAT — concludes that an awful lot of those low scores can be explained by factors that have nothing to do with schools. The study, “The Family: America’s Smallest School,” suggests that a lot of the failure has to do with what takes place in the home, the level of poverty and government’s inadequate support for programs that could make a difference, like high-quality day care and paid maternity leave.

The E.T.S. researchers took four variables that are beyond the control of schools: The percentage of children living with one parent; the percentage of eighth graders absent from school at least three times a month; the percentage of children 5 or younger whose parents read to them daily, and the percentage of eighth graders who watch five or more hours of TV a day. Using just those four variables, the researchers were able to predict each state’s results on the federal eighth-grade reading test with impressive accuracy.

Try to read the entire piece – if you can find it (I have links on my blog.)

I want to reiterate that even with these issues, I have a firm belief they all can be overcome. Give us the resources. A kid in pre-k is already 2 years behind? What would it take? A one-on-one person every day for a year? Then do it. The DOE’s Jim Liebman said that it would take 15 in a class, the level of private schools, for class size reduction to make a difference and that is too expensive. When this country suddenly needs trillions to fight wars, the money magically appears, but when education reform is on the agenda, the business community wants to do it on the cheap with gimmicks like merit pay and changing perceptions of low expectations.

Educators who want to reform the system the right way do have low expectations: about the ability of this society to give them the tools they can really use to close the achievement gap.

The Great Escape
One of the notable education stories this week was Tweed’s Chief Accountability Officer James Liebman’s race to escape parent petitioners after testifying at a City Council hearing on the school grading system. Even reporter Jennifer Medina’s story in the NY Times seemed to have a bit of fun with it. Satirist Gary Babad did a piece for the NYC Parent blog on the NY Jets offering Liebman a contract based on his mad dash.

You can read all about these delicious education wonk friendly stories at my blog.
Oh, and Susan. Sorry, the column is not short. Maybe next time as a New Year’s gift.

Welcome Baaaack! - The Wave

This School Scope column

.. appeared in the Sept. 7 of The Wave (www.rockawave.com)

(The Wave has been Rockaway's community newspaper since 1893. Norm took over the column from current editor Howard Schwach in Sept. 2003.)

Even though I wrote a column for the Wave’s special education edition weeks ago, this feels like the first column of the new school year – the year of Power to the Principal – with the BloomKlein theme of “If it goes wrong, we know whom to blame.” One would think education issues would be dormant with schools closed. Not so.

The column reprised and updated the following items covered on this blog.

What's the Real Difference Marcia Lyles?
How Weingarten Helped Undermine Almontaser
NY Times does another puff piece on Klein

The complete column is posted at here at Norm's Notes.

The More Things Change….

Updated (thanks to DB for finding typos.)
I wrote this column for the upcoming special edition on education in The Wave due out August 24.

So this email comes in from Wave editor Howie Schwach asking for a column for the Wave’s “Back to School” special edition. Back to School? It’s not even the middle of August. And then I remembered - teachers have to go back in August. Two days before Labor Day. Oh, The humanity!

Some have told me of all the indignities of the 2005 contract this may be the worst. Those daye last week before school began and coming back on Labor Day are gone. Some people now feel they have to go in two days before the two days to set up their rooms, as the other two days will be used for professional development, which obviously, every teacher need globs of. The little butterflies that used to start to gnaw away in mid August now show up a week early and grow bigger as the month goes by till they turn into dragons. (By the way, the only way to conquer these dragons is Twinkies, lots of them.)

Well, off to the task at hand. Howie wanted something on how schools are opening without supervision from districts or regions or whatever. All new school years begin with a review of old material. So let’s see what you remember. There will be a high stakes test at the end of this column where your car will be confiscated if you don’t pass, so pay attention kiddies.

In 2002, new Mayor Michael Bloomberg led a charge to give total control of the system to the mayor, a practice that has been growing nationally. This effort was supported by the UFT. Joel Klein, a lawyer without any experience as an educator (other than a supposed 6 month teaching stint in the late 60’s when the draft board was breathing down his neck – my reason for getting into teaching too) was appointed Chancellor joining the national trend to choose non-educators to head large urban school systems. The smell was in the air: Don’t trust educators to make basic decisions about education. What’s next? Having bureaucrats at HMO’s make medical decisions?

In a major move, BloomKlein changed the name from the BOE to the DOE. There was no more BOE. This was replaced by the PEP (Panel for Educational Policy – mostly appointed by the Mayor). In a major reorganization, all districts were combined into 10 regions, some even crossing boroughs. The special ed district was kept intact. All power emanated centrally.

The result? Disaster! Disaster beyond anyone’s imagination as teachers and parents were totally shut out of the system (previously they had been only 90% shut out but it was by people supposedly trained to some extent as educators) no matter how bizarre the decisions coming down from central. I won’t go into the gory details since they require a multi-volume book. Let’s just say experience as an educator didn’t count. And the Klein lawyer/MBA whiz kids types were now in charge. Massive changes in curricula and teaching methods were forced down everyone’s throat as the baby was thrown out with the bath water. Even great ideas were mangled in translation. I won’t even get into the immense amounts of money that was thrown down the tubes as privateers flocked to the DOE. To sum up: almost universal incompetence as everything they touched turned to doo-doo.

Witness the latest exercise: the implementation and follow-through of the Kahil Gibran International Academy with the predicted resignation of the respected educator Debbie Almontaser, who had run interfaith healing meetings after 9/11 and the appointment of a Jewish successor – to run an Arabic language school. We won’t even get into the discussion of whether such schools should exist. But for those people out there who like to jump on anything related to Arabic or Muslims (i.e., the NY Post), someone should check out what’s been going on in Williamsburg for the past 35 years where there have been bi-lingual Yiddish classes in public schools with all Hassidic teachers and kids. Guess the Post is not all that bothered by the concept.

Come 2006, guess what? Bloomberg and Klein (forever joined at the hip in these columns as BloomKlein) decided to reorganize again. Regions were out, districts back in. High schools were now out of the local districts and back into five borough districts, which is how they have been organized from say, 1890 ‘till 2002. The more things change….

But there were some major twists as BloomKlein institute a management system that has not been used anywhere. (If Bloomberg ran his business this way he would probably have ended up working as a clerk. Or maybe teaching 4th grade.) All power now resides in the hands of individual principals with supposedly little oversight from above – unless something goes wrong.

All principals were required to choose a support network from the following: Four networks led by former regional Superintendents (including Region 5’s Kathy Cashin), a centrally managed Empowerment Zone - a network of over 300 schools, or from a list of 9 private support agencies. How do you spell M-E-S-S?

Schools will now be giving 6 tests a year to prepare them for the BIG ONE. It is all about data and outcomes, saith BloomKlein. And outcomes do not mean that a teacher manages to do wonders with a difficult child in terms of their behavior. Or hold kids in an oversized class in check. Nada. Outcomes mean solely the results of these tests. Schools will graded from A-F and principals with an F will be fired (but probably recycled into some other bureaucratic job.) Attempts will be made to use the outcomes on these tests to evaluate the performance of teachers. Results will be used by principals to deny teachers tenure and U-rate teachers with tenure as being incompetent because Johnny can’t move from a Level One to Level Two. The UFT (who are they again?) will put on a show of objecting. But only a show. They will tell teachers to file grievances which will take a year to be heard. And teachers that are fired will not be recycled but blacklisted from ever working in the system again.

District superintendents will function mainly to evaluate schools based on the results of tests and will have no role in support. Just in evaluation.

I spoke to Leonie Haimson of Class Size Matters who has the best handle on what is happening in Tweedledom. “The separation of support from evaluation is a model that has not been tried in any educational system I know of, and from what people tell me, not even the corporate world. Usually, the person evaluating is also responsible for helping to fix what is wrong.” District Superintendents will not even be evaluating schools in their own district and will not know the specific needs of the schools they should be most familiar with.

“The $80 million IBM Aris system will be inputting and spitting out data. But the data will be severely circumscribed and will not include factors such as class size or overcrowded conditions. Principals are supposed to be able to manage them. Haimson pointed to Murray Bergtraum HS, one of the large schools that have been affected by the closing of other large schools and the placement of small schools in their place. It is 125% over capacity, with triple shifts and maximum class sizes, with many more needy kids pushed out of closed schools, while the favored small schools and charter schools have lower class size limits that allow Tweed to brag about higher grad rates (don’t get me started on how these numbers have been arrived at.)

“Their strategy of fixing problems by shutting down schools and opening new ones rather than actually providing these schools with a chance to improve demonstrates the emptiness of their vision of school reform,” Haimson said.

“They only push problems from school to school. Their refusal to cap enrollment at large schools at least as a start to fix these schools instead of closing them is an admission they do not know how to do it. They absolve themselves of responsibility when they refuse to go beyond the idea that all it takes is proper management of a school and good instruction. In other words, failures are the fault of principals and teachers, not systemic. They claim they have changed the system from bad to good. To get to great all they have to do is unleash the entrepreneurial spirit of individual school leaders. It is the wild west.”

It is also the free market and competitive system brought to the schools, which will prove to have the same impact as if it were brought to firefighting (a bonus to the first fireman up the ladder?)

Haimson points to some obvious outcomes based on principals’ fears of being fired or the incentive to earn bonuses if “successful.” Poor performing students will be forced out or discouraged from attending the school in the first place. Cheating on tests and pressures on teachers to pass failing students to inflate the graduation rates will be rampant. Since schools get grad credit for kids passing the much easier GED (about an 8th grade level) students will be channeled in that direction. Things will appear to look much better. In reality, the more things change…

(Note: While the outer surface of the system may have been changed mucho times, for the overwhelming majority of students, the long-term results will not be much different.)

Additional material:

Historical background
Until circa 1968 schools were centrally controlled but with some oversight by a board of Education. But it was pretty much under the control of the mayor. There were districts for managerial purposes and superintendents appointed centrally.

In 1968, power over K-8 schools was taken over by locally elected school boards divided into 32 geographical districts. These boards had to hold public meetings every month. Nobody cared. Few voted. Few attended unless there was a pressing issue. The performance of the districts varied greatly depending on – guess what -- the abilities the kids brought to the table when they entered school. Duh!

High schools remained under central control divided into roughly 5 districts. There was also a centrally controlled special ed district though local districts had their own special ed operations. Geez, I’m tired already.

There was some hanky panky in some districts that resulted in demands for more oversight at the central level. In the late 90’s, some power was given to the Chancellor (did I say there was a revolving door for this position?) to choose the district superintendents. There was a different level of hanky panky in the centrally controlled high schools but no one bothered to mention this.


Demonstration supporting Debbie Almontaser at Tweed, Aug. 21

Norm Scott in The Wave - March 23, 2007

A shortened version of this piece appears in The Wave on March 23.
The March 9 edition of my Wave column is posted at Norm's Notes and covers the following:

What Was the Question?
Is Washington in Randi Weingarten’s future?
UFT Elections
Teacher Arrested
BloomKlein appoints Martine Guerrier as Chief Family Engagement Officer)

The Question
I’ve been writing about Christopher Cerf, Joel Klein’s Deputy Chancellor For Organizational Strategy, Human Capital, and External Affairs. External Affairs? Does the DOE have a foreign policy? Or are their policies just foreign?
A previous column described my visit to a Manhattan Institute luncheon where Cerf explained the latest version of the Children Last reforms to a mostly anti-public school audience clucking approval. I got to ask the last question of the day and people have been asked what the question was. First, let’s look at some of Cerf’s premises.
There is an educational crisis and we should be outraged. We need a call to action and dramatic reform. Incremental reforms are not effective. Look what FDR did in 100 days. This is the civil rights issue of these times. Our critics, of whom there are many (except for the NY Times) are in favor of status quo.
Throwing money at educational problems like class size does not lead to solutions.
Teacher quality is the most important factor. Reducing class size without assuring teacher quality will not work. Of the 80,000 teachers the overwhelming number are superb. We want to make it easier to get rid of the 20% and move them to other careers.
If we swapped the teaching staffs of a top-notch school on the West Side with a failing school in the Bronx, we would see some major changes in the failing school. Good teaching should be rewarded with merit pay.
Accountability is the key right down the line.
Weighed school funding so the money follows the student. Schools with the same demographics have vastly different funding (mostly due to the vast differences in teacher salary)
We are data-driven and will track teacher quality and progress of kids.

The case Cerf made is very seductive to some, especially business people as it follows a business model. To educators, it is chilling.
BloomKlein have used the idea of accountability to absolve themselves of accountability. Put the burden on the schools – hold principals and teachers accountable and when things go wrong, say, “See, we gave them the tools and they failed. We’ll just replace them.” But how do we replace the BloomKlein/Cerfs when they slip-slide away on every failure of policy? Isn’t the fact of multiple “reforms” in a cataclysmic way an admission of failure?
Teacher quality is not abstract. It is affected by conditions. You get higher quality with fewer kids or with kids who are easier to teach: BloomKlein/Cerf negate factors like behavior, learning disabilities, language, and the support network at home.

The question
So, here is the question:
You say you are data driven but you present no data that shows that the overwhelming majority of the 80,000 people who must implement your policies think that 95% of what you said today is drivel.
You say throwing money at education problems doesn’t work – Cerf interrupted “Is not the only answer.” But you NEVER throw money at problems. You use gimmicks like reorganization, instead. You certainly didn’t try to solve the problems at Tilden HS with money. Why not try to fix Tilden by throwing money at it with more teachers, support personnel, etc instead of giving up and just closing it?
The overwhelming majority of teachers are highly insulted at the idea they would do a better job it you gave those who get higher test scores a bonus. Like they are not trying for want of a bonus. (The idea of merit is designed to get teachers to be motivated by money focus on test scores to the exclusion of real education to make Klein and Cerf look better.) Cerf interjected “you would be surprised at how many teachers I hear from who agree.” OK, Mr. Data, tell us exactly how many teachers out of the 80,000 tell you that and not throw out a vague number.
On swapping staffs of schools, why not go ahead and try it for a 3-5 year experiment if you are so sure of the results? I am sure it not only wouldn’t make a difference, but the results in the Bronx would be worse as the teachers who are not used to teaching kids there would take flight or require a serious adjustment in time, while the teachers who are placed in the West Side school would flourish under the better working conditions. I would bet my pension on the results.
That got oohs and ahhs from the corporate audience. Now I was talking. Cash on the barrelhead. Anytime Mr. Cerf wants to take me up on the offer, he knows where to find me. And my pension.

UFT Election Update
Ballots must be in by March 28th and the votes will be counted the next day. Three years ago 70,000 working UFT members DID NOT VOTE. The giveback-laden 2005 contract should bring out a higher turnout this time. If it doesn’t, well, what can you say?
Randi Weingarten’s Unity Caucus sent out a large postcard to most members with a red-baiting attack on ICE-TJC candidate Kit Wainer who is running against Weingarten for president of the UFT accusing him of being, oh my God, a socialist! Kit, who has taught at Leon Goldstein HS on the Kingsborough campus and has been elected chapter leader over the past 12 years (it seems the staff of Goldstein doesn’t have a problem with Kit’s politics) has published some materials on the web that were extracted by Unity and put in red bold letters. Why would we expect anything less than McCarthyite tactics from Unity? The irony is that their partners in the election, former opposition caucus New Action, were red-baited by Unity in past years because so many members had roots in socialist and communist organizations. Not that there’s’ anything wrong with it.
We received calls of outrage. Some thoughts expressed were, "Isn't it a slam dunk Unity will win? This smacks of the kind of desperation of someone who is losing a political campaign instead of expecting to win with a 90% vote. Why is it so important that a 70% majority is not enough? "
The most common analysis is that Weingarten wants an overwhelming victory so she can sail into the sunset with a glorious victory and head off to the AFT in the summer of '08.
It is not that simple. For Weingarten, it is important to keep the ICE-TJC vote low as a way of marginalizing them, which if they start attracting 25-30% of the vote, threatens to pass the vote totals New Action was getting when it was THE opposition. For Weingarten to leave an orderly union for her successor, she must reduce the threat ICE-TJC present and promote her homegrown opposition New Action.
By getting more votes than the ICE-TJC upstarts, New Action can claim, despite their alliance with Unity, they are still the main opposition, albeit totally tied to Unity's apron strings. They also have to prove to Weingarten that they are viable.
Weingarten is so enamored of New Action's leader Michael Shulman because he has proven time and again he can control the troops. When she announced the purchase of the new buildings on Broadway in 2003 just as the alliance with New Action was in the earliest stages, some of the New Action members on the Executive Board at the time wanted to ask for more information. Shulman, not a member of the Board, passed by each one and ordered them not to raise any questions. "Randi doesn't want this to become an issue, so don't say anything," Shulman said.
Now there's the kind of opposition Randi can be proud of.

Ms. Weingarten is not a socialist
NYC Educator is a brilliant blogger (http://nyceducator.com/) who has developed a national reputation. A high school teacher who has been a severe critic of BloomKlein and UFT President Randi Weingarten and her Unity Caucus since the 2005 contract, his blog has become required daily reading for many people involved in education. NYC has endorsed the ICE-TJC slate in the election, which I am also supporting (I am running as a candidate for the Executive Board at large.) Here is how he addressed the issue:
“I was just reading that Al Shanker, Sandy Feldman and Randi Weingarten were all card-carrying members of Social Democrats USA, which identifies itself as a member of Socialist International. But I take strong exception to the voices of ICE-TJC who'd infer that made her a socialist.
“First of all, socialists are known to strongly defend workers' rights. If Ms. Weingarten were a socialist, why would she endorse a contract that denied teachers the right to grieve letters in their files? Why would she support a clause that allowed them to be suspended without pay based on unsubstantiated allegations? It just doesn't make sense.
“And if Ms. Weingarten were a socialist, would she support giving teachers longer work days and punishment days in August? Would she want us to do "small-group tutoring" plus hall patrol, in perpetuity, in addition to the tasks we'd already performed? Would she support our prescription deductibles going up by as much as 1500%? Sorry, I don't see it.
“Would a socialist have supported a contract in 2005 that eliminated key seniority rights of teachers? Do you really think a socialist would have given away 40 years of hard-won gains for a compensation increase that didn't even keep up with cost of living? Would a socialist have supported and enabled mayoral control?
“Absolutely not. A socialist wouldn't have done any of those things. A socialist would stand up and demand an end to mayoral control, particularly in view of its ineffectiveness (not to mention its effect on classroom instruction). Do you envision Ms. Weingarten demanding an end to mayoral control? Of course not. So please, please, stop unfairly tarring Ms. Weingarten.
“Ms. Weingarten is not some old-time union boss, who just runs around insisting on better working conditions for her members. She's no socialist, and don't even think about calling her a militant socialist.
“That's just beyond the pale.”

Travels to a Distant World

by Norman Scott

They say traveling to far away places can be broadening. But sometimes the longest journeys are not measured in miles.

An invitation to attend a luncheon sponsored by the Manhattan Institute for Policy Research required preparations worthy of a trip to the Himalayas.

Generally perceived as being right wing supporters of privatization efforts and often leading the attacks on public schools and teacher unions, their mission statement is “to develop and disseminate new ideas that foster greater economic choice and individual responsibility.” The lead quote on their web site is by Rudy Giuliani. Better get the full battery of shots.

The luncheon featured Christopher Cerf, the Deputy Chancellor for Organizational Strategy, Human Capital, and External Affairs for the NYC Department of Education. That mouthful of a job description tells you a lot. As an educational writer I have criticized and satirized Cerf, the former CEO of Edison Schools, a for-profit company that milks money from the public schools. Cerf has been featured recently in the press for all kinds of fun things, like trying to hide not selling his stock in Edison and only doing so surreptitiously when it became clear this fact would be revealed. I had published a photo on my blog of Cerf seeming to be dozing at one of Joel Klein’s press conferences. Klein is his boss. I better bring a food taster.

The luncheon was being held at the University Club on 5th Ave. and 54th St. Always prepare for journeys by reading your travel guide. Mine said:
“Designed by Stanford White this is the city's grandest clubhouse. With its deep rustication, grand proportions and superb craftsmanship, it is the city's finest Italian Renaissance palazzo-style structure. As impressive as its exterior, the interior of the building is splendiferous with rich marbles, gilded columns, fine woods and excellent murals by H. Siddons Mowbray. The three most impressive rooms are the reading lounge on the elevated first floor overlooking Fifth Avenue, the magnificent third-floor double-height dining room that stretches the length of the building's side street frontage, and the enormous, vaulted library. In 1987 the club admitted women.”

Hey! Change takes time in far away places. I better get a 2nd set of shots.

I dressed carefully. Digging out my best and darkest corduroy jacket, I desperately searched for a pair of matching corduroy pants that would give the rough impression I was wearing a suit. I found something. It was black. Sort of. I put on a black button down shirt worn over a black tee-shirt with white lettering that said “Quantum Samurai Scorpions” given to me by the robotics team at Aviation high school. In case of violence, I would rip off my jacket and shirt and use the scorpion on my shirt to back them away. But I would be helpless if they resorted to blowguns that shot voucher darts. I added black sneakers disguised as shoes for quick getaway and I was ready to go.

On my way down the street, my feet began to slip on the ice from the storm the day before. Back to the house to change into my tan-with black-border waterproof hiking boots that I had bought for last year’s trip to Costa Rica but hadn’t worn since. I could kick my way out of there if attacked. My outfit complete, I was off to the B train with a change for the V at 47rd St. I practiced my moves in the subway.

I approached the University Club with stealth, searching for a way in. I used my passport to get past the outer-borough-denizen filtering system. Then past the next six doormen — after a brain scan designed to seek out alien thoughts — like any inclination to oppose the conversion of every public school in Manhattan into condos.

I approached the next barrier, a man in a red jacket whose first words were, “You need a jacket and tie,” looking at me like I had just been scraped off his shoe. I opened my coat and said, “I have the jacket. One out of 2 ain’t bad.” He didn’t smile. “The invitation didn’t say anything about a tie,” I whined. “We have ties in the back,” he said, looking down at my hiking boots.

I was going to ask him where I could change money since I heard they used a currency I was not familiar with — millions. I’m pretty much a ten and twenty man. I thought better of it.

I went to the cloakroom to check my dark, down coat, which left feathers clinging to my corduroy. I tried to cover up the ketchup stains still lingering from last night’s fries. The guys at the checkroom sent me to the back to pick out a tie from a rack of rejects. I chose a lovely school tie – blue field with yellow markings, some of which looked to be moving. I made the tie in the mirror in the lobby while sneering people passed me by. Finally, I was ready for combat.

The Manhattan Institute luncheon was on the 7th floor, not one of the three grand rooms, but c’est la vie — maybe next time. I got off the elevator and approached the lady at the entry desk sitting with a pile of nametags in front of her. I expected mine wouldn’t be there, sure the people from the Department of Education, who’ve have been tracking my every move, would try to keep me away. But there it was. It had a safety pin on the back. I looked around to see where other people attached their tags so I wouldn’t make myself stand out by having a nametag out of place. For a moment, I thought of showing my defiance by putting it where it was guaranteed to get noticed. Not a good idea. Damn safety pins.

I entered the room. Lots of wood and twenty-foot ceilings with painted angels hovering over clouds, looking down with looks on their faces like they had to pee. I was one of the first ones there even though it was 12 o’clock. I forgot to be fashionably late. There was a table with drinks. Wine. A glass of red would calm me down and then I could stand in the corner and observe the species, getting in touch with my own Jane Goodall. Mingling was not going to be happening for me today.

The lady in front of me asked the server what the white wine was. “Chardonnay” was the response. She snorted and said, “I’ll take red.” “Red for me too,” I echoed. She turned and smiled. I said, “I really want Merlot but am afraid to ask since that wine movie trashed the Merlots.” “I like Merlot too,” she laughed. We spoke about wine and schools for the next ten minutes. Turned out she was also a fugitive from NYC schools, but had risen considerably higher than I, becoming one of the rulers and shakers before she retired to become CEO of a company setting up charter schools nationwide. We exchanged contact info and I was off to my corner to listen and observe. I heard lots of breathless, “We’re just waiting for the charter schools cap to be lifted.” The public Ed gravy train will be long indeed.

I become a mingler after a glass of wine on an empty stomach takes effect. I floated around looking at nametags. There was the former CEO of one of the major financial firms in the world. Dismantling public schools is hot with the corporate types — they can say they served humanity. I saw two reporters I knew. Someone tapped me on the shoulder. “Norm, good to meet you. I feel like an alien.” It was JB. We knew each other from a common listserve we are on but it was the first time we had met. There were other aliens whose names I recognized. It turned out there were more people there for the free lunch than I imagined. We banded together like Custard’s army at the Little Big Horn.

Finally, we were called to lunch. Chicken and dessert. And a roll. Not top shelf. The wine had gone to my head. I sat at a corner table with someone I knew from years before. Cerf made his outrageous presentation to much clucking from the audience. I disagreed with 99% of it. When the question period came, I raised my hand in vain. Just as I was about to rip off my jacket and shirt and start using Quantum Samarai moves, I got called on for the last question of the day. Needless to say, there won’t be a next time.


This article was originally written as a travel piece for the LostWriters web site and can be accessed at: http://www.lostwriters.net. It also appeared in print in The Wave on Feb. 23, 2007.