Michele Rhee to Close the Washington Redskins Due to Lack of Improvement

Since being declared a TINI - Team In Need of Improvement 3 years ago, the Washington Redskins have been steadily declining despite numerous leadership changes (Spurrier, Gibbs, and the recent scorn of Zorn). With Tweed in NYC proving that leadership change is not the preferred option to closing schools, DC school Supe Michelle Rhee, who has made closing schools an art, has invoked her extraordinary powers and decided to close down the Redskins completely and replace it with a charter football team. "Everyone should have choice when it comes to rooting for teams," said a spokesperson for Rhee, who will be playing quarterback for the new charter team. The team, to be called the Rhee-Jets, will only be drafting players who have never been injured and who score a 3 or 4 on an intelligence test. The Gates Foundation will pay the salaries and Eli Broad will become team president. He declared that the 50 percent of the cheer leaders would be able to apply for the new team, but only if they were qualified.