Thursday, September 13, 2007

Bloomberg/Klein Solve Iraq War

Mayor Bloomberg and Joel Klein have unveiled their plan to end the war in Iraq.

Each terrorist will be paid $50 for each bomb they do not throw.

Potential suicide bombers will get an extra bonus - a number of volunteer virgins have been signed up to substitute for the ones they would have received.

Al Quida members will be allowed to enroll in the Leadership Academy if they renounce terrorist activity and be put on a fast track to become principals. "Al Quida members have demonstrated the perfect traits we are looking for in our principals," said a spokesperson for Tweed.

Osama bin Laden has been offered Christopher Cerf's position if he comes out of his cave. "We love his new look," said the Tweed spokesperson. "He will be in charge of making sure School Leadership Teams have no teacher input."

The Eli Broad Foundation has promised BloomKlein they are guaranteed to win the Broad Prize, which will be announced on Sept. 18, when Bin Laden is installed in his new office space in Tweed.


  1. Is it true that Bloom/Klein won the Broad Prize because they pay $500 each for Broads

  2. Brilliant, Norm! I just hope they don't try to replace Emomali Rakhmon as school security chief with some joker from Al-Qaida. Such nepotism could lead to dangerous bureaucratic infighting at the DOE. And Rakhmon will surely win - he'll disarm them by confiscating their cell phones.

  3. Sal "The Barber" MaglieFriday, September 14, 2007 at 7:44:00 PM EDT

    I would think that Al Quida members would get an automatic acceptance into the Leadership Academy

  4. Wow. Actually, today I didn't throw 50 bombs, which nets me 2500 bucks. Tomorrow I'm going to not throw even more. I'm actually very good at not throwing bombs, and I see career possibilities here.

    Thanks for the tip.

  5. I think Klein owes himself a refund for not bombing. Because he really bombed big time on Stephen Colbert.

  6. Maybe he can get the refund from the consultants
    who coached him for Colbert


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