Monday, June 2, 2008

Clinton Campaign Declares McCain the Winner: Obama to Withdraw

Modified after discovering the ENN Reporter was suffering from a hangover.

Ed Notes News is reporting that Barack Obama is considering withdrawing from the presidential race upon hearing Hillary Clinton political consultant Harold Ickes declare Obama flat out has no chance of winning against John McCain and that the only chance the Democrats have is to choose Hillary Clinton as the nominee.

Obama understands that these criticisms from Clinton are sending a signal to Democrats: Don't waste your money and time on Obama since he can't get elected.

The final straw for Obama occurred when Ickes dropped the dreaded "McGovern" bomb. If Obama suffers a McGovern-like disaster that would also take him out of the running as a viable candidate in 2012 (losing by a little would not be good enough to accomplish that.)

So his strategists have decided to get out now, figuring the Republicans want Hillary as the candidate all along and that she might have the better chance of pulling a McGovern disaster than he, which would make him the 2012 candidate, while giving him time to win over all the demographics that have opposed him. The nation will be better prepared to accept a black man as a candidate in '12, especially after 4 more disastrous years of Republican rule.

Clinton strategists are reportedly rethinking the question and have decided there is a better strategy to make Hillary president. Keep Obama in the race, graciuously agree to make him the presidential nominee, browbeat-er- even more graciously accept the vice-presidential nomination, unite the party, beat McCain, wait for shit to happen.

3 comments:

  1. Convoluted and confusing, just like the news. But unlike the news, it made me laugh.

    Keep up the reporting, EdNotes. Maybe next time there's breaking news, you can fix it.

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  2. Norm would hate chocolate if he discovered Randi liked it.

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  3. Now I get it. It's all about Randi. Oh what will we do when she is no longer around to guide us?

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