Friday, September 5, 2008

The Republican Platform: The Palin Planks

1. Schools shall be obliged to teach the Intelligent Design Theory in all history and anthropology courses, and The Stork Theory of Human Reproduction in all biology classes.

2. The Spanish Inquisition shall be incorporated into the Department of Homeland Security.

3. Abortion, birth control, and jerking off shall be proscribed by awarding legal personhood to embryos, ova, and sperms.

4. The U.S. Government shall implement an immigration policy modeled on that of Cardinal Jiménez de Cisneros and Friar Tomás de Torquemada in 15th century Spain.

5. A domestic crusade shall be forged against American infidels inspired by Pope Innocent III’s campaign against the Cathars (Albigensians) in southern France in the 12th century.

6. All citizens with IQs of three digits shall be sent to re-education camps.

7. Galileo shall be re-indicted.

Louis Bedrock
Per alta vade spatia sublimi aethere; testare nullos qua veheris, deos.

Ed Note:
I'll add one more - All schools will be required to teach both theories on whether the earth is round or flat.


  1. There's a lot of ugly anti-Catholic stuff here. Can we talk about how we can get our rights as teachers back instead of airing your religious prejudices.

  2. Not that I wrote this but I'll defend what Louis wrote. Where's the ugly anti-Catholic stuff when he talks about the Spanish inqusition and other policies of the medieval church?

  3. Is it all about teacher rights? if you had them back, screw everyone else? Is there a connection between the current loss of teacher rights and all that's going on in the world? Do you see the firing of the air traffic controllers by Regan as connected?

  4. 11:49 - you go to be joking. This is not anti-Catholic. It is anti idiot.


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